Wake Me Up
by leyton203
Summary: For anyone seeking a happy Olicity-story, I'm telling you right now, you won't get it. Also, this is the only way I can excuse Oliver ending up with a Black Canary, whether it's Sara or Laurel, in the TV-verse where Felicity exists and doesn't die. I own NOTHING, except for this take on their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

TV Series: Arrow

Pairing: Oliver and Felicity

Genre: Romance/Drama

How he came to realize how much she meant to him

How she realized that he needed more than she could be

Summary: For anyone seeking a happy Olicity-story, I'm telling you right now, you won't get it here. I feel the need to write something tragic, and the story I am writing is tearing me up from inside, trying to burrow its way out, and leading me to an inevitable, necessary, sort-of-therapeutic, sob-inducing end. If this piques your interest, you might need it as much as I do. Also, this is the only way I can excuse Oliver ending up with a Black Canary, whether it's Sara or Laurel, in the TV-verse where Felicity exists and doesn't die.

I own NOTHING, except for this take on their relationship. Plus, if this chapter falls short of expectations, please just read further. The more I wrote, the more inspired I was as I continued writing.

**Part I:**

Oliver's perspective:

He knew she was playing him. Or at least, she thought she was. But it was evident from the way she spoke that no matter how much of it was manipulation, the recounting of her past scratched at and rubbed salt on a wound that, despite the years that had passed, had not healed. But that wasn't what decided it for him. He knew that there could come little or no positive result from what she was initiating, but what decided it for him was that he also knew that he had time on hand, and a reckless part of him wanted the pure physical release without any kind of emotional effects that would come from it.

"I think you can let her off for the night, don't you?"

He could understand her baiting him by implying some sort of involvement between him and Felicity, but was the statement she nonchalantly tossed over her shoulder meant to irk or hurt Felicity, or simply her attempt to stay in character, or maybe even some sort of evidence of an underlying need to show lack of emotion.

"What happens in Russia stays in Russia"

Is it too much to hope that that is the end of it?

"We're still in Russia"

Apparently it had been too much to hope for.

Oliver knows that Felicity is attracted to him, and maybe even nurses a small interest in him. She has definitely ogled him often enough on occasion that it has made every hair on his body seem to stand at attention and insist that he ask that she cease and desist or be prepared to deal with the consequences. He is damnably attracted to her innocence, intelligence, goodness and, it goes without saying, body enough without imagining her fantasizing about things he would quite thoroughly enjoy making a reality. Is her reaction to what happened with Isabel simply her as a friend expecting better behavior from him than he was inclined to before the island, or is it rooted in a desire to have been in Isabel's stead? He'll think about this later, when he doesn't have saving his best friend on his to-do-list.

"It didn't mean anything"

He wants it to be enough, but even he knows it isn't. It's the sort of hollow excuse he'd have given to any woman he'd cheated on. But a) Felicity and he weren't even together, and b) this was Felicity. She was the one woman who didn't perceive him as a shallow, superficial man who slept with anything with the appropriate genitalia. She not only sees but also **knows **the real him. She knows that he's capable of murder and yet believes that he's more than that. She believes that he's not a murderer by nature, and yet stood by him through his killing spree and even after it ended. She is not a woman from whom he takes what he wants and then runs away from. She is his friend, one of his partners in their bizarre crusade against crime in Starling City. She is more. He wants her to know how he feels. He wants to tell her the truth.

"Hey, because of the life I lead, I just think it's better if I don't get involved with someone I could really care about"

Admitting it and admitting that he sees little or no possibility of any long-term relationship in his future, given the cause to which he has dedicated his life, is painful to say the least. But it also feels like a weight off of his shoulders. It's ironic. Before the island, while it was perfectly possible for him to be in a relationship of such a nature, he was incapable of it, and possibly even terrified by it. But now, when he craves it and knows that he is capable of it, the life that he leads leaves no space for it.

"I just, I think you deserve better than her"

The weight he felt lift off his shoulders in the wake of his admission of how impossible a relationship is for him seems to have sunk to the pit of his stomach. Despite him being a murderer, despite the darkness that he knows she has been witness to a significant number of times, and despite his having resorted to behavior that would have been nothing but "business-as-usual" for him before the island, Felicity still believes the best of him. She still believes that he is capable of more.


	2. Chapter 2

TV Series: Arrow

Olicity fic

Genre: Romance/Drama

How she realized that he needed more than she could be

How he came to realize how much she meant to him

I own NOTHING, except for this take on their relationship.

**Part I:**

Felicity's perspective:

"_Even though it makes no sense whatsoever…"_

"Her?" is the first thought that Felicity has. "Why would he spend a second alone with, let alone have sex with, that imperious, high-and-mighty, uptight, cold bitch?" keeps running through her mind like a broken record. That thought and the sincere hope that Oliver can't hear the words that leak from her mouth as she is turning tail and retreating from this increasingly awkward situation.

"_So we're not doing the… 'What happens in Russia stays in Russia'…?"_

God, she can actually imagine how that sexy voice must have sounded like with Isabel, all deep, gravelly and throaty. Stop, focus, Diggle is in danger, and your brain has no place thinking thoughts like that. But Isabel, not that it could ever in a million years be her, geeky, awkward Felicity, but did it have to be that model carved from stone? How could he sleep with her? Focus! She tries to tell herself that she can freak out about this later. Right now, Diggle's safety needs to have top priority. But hey, at least Oliver sounds awkward, like he knows how dumb what he did was. Diggle had better be ok or she was really going to hate herself for being so stuck in the processing of this latest development. But, did it _have_ to be Isabel friggin' Rochev?

Diggle looks so at peace with Lyla. It's not the kind of flirty, sexual-tension behavior that he and Carly had together, but it's a far more solid kind of connection, with almost a fire at the core. It's easy to tell from the way that they hold each other and stay physically connected together, if simply by interlocking their arms, that they rely on, trust and respect each other and have placed their lives in one another's hands time and time again.

The covert peeks that Isabel's sneaking at Oliver are beginning to sicken her. Is the woman delusional enough to think that what happened between her and Oliver was anything more than a complete and utter fuck-up on his part? Something that she, Felicity, is going to make sure he is fully aware of. She already has her entire set-down speech scripted in her head. Now all she needs to do is find some way of not going off on an innuendo-tangent that'll provide him with an escape-route.

"_Hey, because of the life I lead, I just think it's better if I don't get involved with someone I could really care about"_

He actually thinks that. He actually thinks that being the Arrow means that he can't find someone who cares about him, who he cares about, and be with them. Does being the Arrow mean he can't live? Does it mean that he doesn't get to love, just like everybody else? No. He has just as much of a right, and a need, to love and be loved as anybody else, and she can't believe he actually doesn't see that. He deserves, more than most of the people she knows, someone who will appreciate and value and love him, extraordinary, wonderful, selfless man that he is and has worked so hard and been through so much to become. He deserves the best. He deserves the most beautiful, most amazing, most perfect woman in the world, who'll be able to love him enough to make everything that the island did to him, and everything he survived to get through it, worth it. But finally seeing the way he sees himself, his present and future takes the wind out from beneath her sails though, and she doesn't have the heart to deliver the magnificent speech that she had planned.

In the event that a woman worthy of him doesn't exist, which isn't hard to believe, he certainly deserves a hell of a lot better than Isabel friggin' Rochev. And as she begins to walk away to do as he has asked her to, she has to turn around and tell him that, not because she can't stop herself, but because he deserves to hear it, so that, maybe one day, it'll sink in.

Isabel can sit there and smirk at her all she wants. She knows that Isabel thinks she's some floozy who Oliver uses for "extracurricular activities", and keeps around because he doesn't want to make her feel cheap, much the same as the rest of the people at Queen Consolidated who don't know her think. But that's only the people who don't know her properly, and no one at Queen Consolidated outside of Team Arrow knows Oliver properly. They don't see who he is, despite being around him every day, and they're the ones missing out. So they can gossip, and spread insane rumors all they want. It won't make their actual "extracurricular activities" together any less worth the abuse consequent of such total stupidity. Her making everything sound like an innuendo isn't helping though.

Felicity did initially resent Oliver making her his Executive Assistant, mainly because she had no desire to be seen as having the job of a glorified secretary. Not that there's anything wrong with the occupation itself, but because, with her qualifications, she has most definitely been trained for a far more specific and more near-and-dear-to-her-heart occupation. An unfortunate side-effect is the rumors spreading like wildfire throughout Queen Consolidated and the assumptions that people make about her character, but that has barely made a blip on her radar, because even if she faces it as she walks into the office every day, helping Oliver is and has been worth it. In helping him, she's found a purpose beyond any that she could have imagined before. And even if she still gives him hell whenever she can about her new position, she's kind of glad, because if anything, all of this, the new position in the company, the rumors, the good and the bad, they're all the outcomes of him letting her see a part of him that no one but Diggle knows. And that's too beautiful a thought to even sound like an innuendo in her head.


	3. Chapter 3

TV Series: Arrow

Olicity fic

Genre: Romance/Drama

How she realized that he needed more than she could be

How he came to realize how much she meant to him

I own NOTHING, except for this take on their relationship.

**Part II:**

Felicity's perspective:

Keeping abreast of the news on Mrs. Queen-Steel's trial is beginning to take a toll on her mood. Reporters who don't appreciate or make any concessions for the immense stress and worry that the family and loved ones are enduring throughout the process are no better, in Felicity's humble opinion, than vultures. Carrions and scavengers, who will feed off of any spectacle, with only an eye to self-profit, and the worst part is that they've found a socially-legitimate means of doing it, so it's not like she can set the Arrow on them either. Diggle walks into her office in the middle of this internal rant and other ongoing work, and the normally gorgeous man really does not look too hot today.

"_I'm going. Just need to make arrangements for a replacement bodyguard."_

Typically Diggle, while anyone with eyes can see that the man is not in any condition to not be delegating the task of arranging for someone else to guard Oliver, he has to insist on doing it because his training has apparently left him with the default-setting of believing that he is and always must be responsible for everything.

Urggh, pointy things are the absolute worst. But the irony is not lost on her, and as follows any thought, iteration in speech. At least 80% of the time, with the rest of the 20%, most of which is concerning a certain set of abs, legs, arms etc, being met by a functioning brain-to-mouth filter. And talking about pointy things and the filtered 20%... huh, maybe all pointy things aren't that bad. Urggh, thank God she didn't voice that out loud. Poor Diggle, he really doesn't look like he's in good shape at all. And, as this sinks in for little Ms. Rambliest-of-them-all, Diggle collapses to the ground. These men are really heavy.

Waiting for Oliver while trying to hold Diggle together and make sure he doesn't shiver himself to pieces is insane. The test results make no sense. What has happened to her friend makes no sense, and she's too terrified of leaving him unmonitored and without attention for even a second to try and find out how the hell this happened. She just wants him to get better. She wants to see this man who she has come to view as next-to-invincible to regain his invincibility and most of all she wishes she wasn't so damn helpless in the face of it all. Oliver wouldn't be helpless. He'd know what to do, how to do it, and he'd have mapped out a plan of action and strategy within moments with time to suit up to spare.

Oliver arrives as soon as he is able, and as always, he enables her to put on her super-sleuth-suit and go digging on her home turf, while he takes over monitoring Diggle.

What is with these cover-ups? Do those in positions of authority not get that while such information may cause some alarm, it is also likely to help prevent people from taking unnecessary risks, and prevent, in turn, people from falling prey to these raving lunatics.

He can't. He can't kill again. If he kills again, it'll not only make him feel more like he's betraying Tommy's memory, but it'll kill that much more of the parts of him that are slowly coming back to life. He's recovering, slowly, but surely, and if he kills again, it'll set him back. It'll remind him of the killer that the island forced him to be.

He won't kill the Count. He doesn't want to. Progress! Worries, threats, danger, they're no longer driving him into "kill or be killed" mode. She thinks she might actually become dizzy with relief if only Diggle'd recover from this awful sickness. The Count is an evil man. He is a cruel, sadistic, evil man.

These men are ridiculous. One's mother is on trial for over 500 murders, and the other's ill from being drugged with a highly addictive drug, and they're joking about poker faces. Combat mentality, urggh. And that stupid Count had to do something with the recipe to prevent the serum from helping _at all_. And now the guy's threatening the whole city. Is he _trying_ to force Oliver to kill him? God, he looks _creepy._

Diggle can't go. She will. She'll go, if it'll help him recover any sooner. Maybe it'll help her feel less useless too. She can't just sit here and do nothing anymore. Diggle's hurting because of this damn illness, and Oliver's hurting because of his mom's trial, and she can only help one, and God help her, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Both of these men have been through enough, and she's tired to death of standing idly by as it happens.

Oh God, he's even creepier in person!

Eeww! She wants him to stop touching her. She wants him to stop finding reasons to run his disgusting hands all over her, making her skin crawl, but that's why he's doing it. He's enjoying how much it's freaking her out. He loves the way she can't seem to get her shit together. God, she feels so helpless. Not just helpless, but trapped too. She feels like she's having everything in her suffocated just short of causing her to pass out. She can feel the bile rising in her throat with every twist of her ponytail in his fingers, and she wants to do is chop those fingers off. Most of all, she just wants this to end.

Just as she thinks that, Oliver comes in, walking like the predator that he is to the prey that is this disgusting, vile lunatic. Well, actually, not prey. Please, not prey. Don't let him kill again. If she holds it together, maybe he'll remain calm enough to find an alternative. At the very least, if she doesn't behave like a sniveling damsel in distress, it might not drive him over the edge. He is her friend, and he will want to kill the Count if simply because he scared her. And that's all he's done. He's frightened her, but that's not worth Oliver killing him over, or even worse, being killed over.

Damn man! He's shooting at Oliver, and she's sitting here like a lame duck! Please Oliver, be ok. Why, why does he keep touching her?!

"_Oliver, don't! Not for me"_

Not only is the guy creepy, but he's dumb as well. Oliver looks desperate, and with all the crap he's being put through right now, he might just very well go for the kill.

He killed again, because of her. And he got shot, because of her. It's terrifying that he's become so used to it that he thinks it matters less that he was shot than it does that she, being the sissy that she is, can't seem to stop shaking. But he looks at her, and he says it's alright, and it makes her like it really is. She stops shaking after looking into those eyes and seeing the warmth in them, because if anything, with Oliver here, there's nothing to be scared of. He's so strong, so brave, and so good. Nothing bad is going to happen, because he's saved her. He just had to take a life to do it. And that look in his eyes as he looks down onto the street is because of her. She put that guilt and sadness there. She's not strong enough, not capable enough or smart enough in the "doesn't-get-herself-into-life-threatening-situations-with-no-way-to-save-herself" way. She'll just add more to his burdens.


	4. Chapter 4

TV Series: Arrow

Olicity fic

Genre: Romance/Drama

How she realized that he needed more than she could be

How he came to realize how much she meant to him

Part I: Their reactions to him having slept with Isabel, and the subsequent discussions regarding it

Part II: Saving her from Count Vertigo, and after

Part III: Barry Allen (Parts 1 & 2)

I own NOTHING, except for this take on their relationship, which I'm pretty sure no one else would want anyway. Hope you're not left too disappointed, and have something positive to take away from reading this

**Part II:**

Oliver's perspective:

Oliver sneaks into the Queen Consolidated building, alert and watching for anyone who might be there past working hours. He uses the quickest route to the floor of his office where he knows the Count will be with Felicity, if simply because a) it is a floor to which only a select few dozen had access, b) it is a means of violating one part of Oliver's public persona and both of the above while c) also coincidentally holding both parts hostage using an individual who the Count probably deems as being the only bridge between the two. The Count, with his flair for theatrics, probably appreciates the symbolism of killing Oliver while he's wearing one suit, in the place where he wears the other.

Walking into the conference room, he can't think of how he could have been prepared for what he is seeing: an obviously terrified, visibly-shivering, red-eyed, striving-to-put-on-a-brave-face Felicity, who has her eyes shut tight as the Count toys with her ponytail and then slides his palms onto her shoulders on either side of her neck. She seems to be trying to either stay strong and keep it together or not cause more pangs to his already guilty conscience, in spite of her own current circumstances. It makes him feel even worse, if that's possible.

"_Oliver, don't! Not for me"_

Hearing her say those words strikes home for him that what he thought was her trying not to make him feel worse, is actually her trying to ensure that he is not left with no option but to kill. If only she knew that once the Count knew not only of the Hood's identity, but also her connection to that side of him, the maniac's fate was already sealed.

Despite having walked into that office knowing what he would have to do, the weight of having taken yet another life, an action that stamps him even more thoroughly as the murderer his best friend died believing him to be, makes him feel numb with shock, with despair, and yet, he also realizes that sometimes there's no other option. There was nothing else that could have been done, but there doesn't seem to be any possible way that it'll hurt less. But there's a fruit borne of that act that he is more than grateful for, and he turns his attention to the woman whose safety is all he needs to remind him that it was a very necessary evil indeed.

The warmth of her skin on her neck, and the pulse beneath it that he feels through his gloves makes him even more thankful than he could have comprehended being. She is safe, if thoroughly traumatized. He was just wants her to feel better. He wants her to know that it is over.

"_Hey, hey, shhh, it's alright. You're safe."_

"_Oh, you were shot"_

As is typical, Felicity's logical and selfless mind processes his flesh-wound as more important and worth worrying about than her trauma, not taking into consideration that while it's nothing he isn't used, she has just been put through a hell that, if he could've, he would've done anything to spare her.

"_Hey. It's nothing"_

The trust shines in her eyes, a beacon of hope that she will not ever see his methods as unsavory, and him as an extension of them, as she once did and is willing to put her safety in his keep.

With the circus of his mother's trial finally over, yet with the end of the process providing more confusion and uncertainty than the beginning or the middle of it, all he wants to do is retreat to where there is no need for the mask of "Oliver Queen: relieved and overjoyed son", if only for a few moments of respite, and make sure that those who work with him, protect both sides of him and know the real him, are safe and well again.

"_And you"_

Seeing her, still visibly shaken, but having donned a cape of "matter-of-fact" behavior, coupled with a mask of a brave-face, and yet safe, is all he needs to remind him that there is no way he will ever regret his actions from earlier tonight.

Seeing how exhausted they both are, and knowing that there is much to be addressed at home, he decides that his retreat from the outside world will have to be at a later time. Right now, they both need to go home and recover from the consequences of not only living in a city which's destruction and devastation his family have had a hand in, but also living lives, spent fighting by the side of a man whose struggle to right that situation, which inevitably endanger them as well. Looking at her drawn face makes it sink in even deeper that the worse the criminals get that confront them, the more her life is at risk. But fighting without her and Diggle isn't a possibility any more, not just because he needs them, but because it's their choice to make whether or not to stay, and they make it every day with the same level of dedication with which he puts on the hood every night. He's glad it isn't a choice he has to make for them, because if he had to, he'd never be able to force them to stay, and yet he'd be lost if they walked away.

"_Oliver? I, uh, I just wanted to say thank you… and, I'm sorry. I got myself into trouble again, and you, killed him. You killed again, and I'm sorry that I was the one that put you in a position where you had to make that kind of choice."_

She is so wrong. Not only would she not have been in danger if she hadn't gone there to follow a lead to save Diggle, which he wasn't there to do because he had to be by his mother and Thea, but also because there is also no scenario in which he wouldn't have done the same. She is his friend, and a good, decent, brave person who deserves to be safe and alive, and he will defend that with everything he has in him. And most of all, the sharp knife of fear in his stomach at the prospect of losing yet another person that he cares about, or even just being forced to see them endure harm, was more than he could bear when the Count had her in his clutches.

"_Felicity, he had you, and he was going to hurt you. There was no choice to make."_

He heads home, and after dealing with his (visibly relieved and yet confused) mother and sister is more than he thinks he can take. Thea's elated, but his mother has gone into "secret-keeping" mode. There has to be something more. Something she hasn't told him, some secret that is making her more pensive in the quiet moments, yet incredibly alert while they're all around. His mother, a woman who has apparently spent decades to his mere years of keeping secrets, is becoming easier to read, if simply because after her secrets come out, he realizes the root of her actions while she was keeping them.

Oliver lies in bed and stares out the window, and he wonders, will there ever come a day when he will truly know anyone? It seems as though everyone he knows, excluding maybe the innocents such as Felicity and Thea, is keeping secrets, and has been for years. His interaction with Laurel earlier at court confirmed for him that she's obviously not in a good place. He needs for her to be ok, if simply because it's what Tommy would've wanted. As much as he used to love her, and as much as he still does, his feelings for her, as for those for all around him, keep evolving more and more every day, as he begins to realize that it wasn't just the outside world that he was oblivious to prior to the island. He was oblivious to the minds, natures and even wants of those he held near and dear to him. They are all so much more complex, and conflicted than he ever realized. Or maybe that's a consequence of the Undertaking and the toll it took on all of them before, during and after it happened. Laurel seems to have dug herself into a hole of constantly blaming herself for everything. She seems to be incapable of seeing the good, or hope or light in anything. She seems to be carrying around this burden that he can't help but think is self-inflicted, regularly-fed and extremely emotionally-expensive. It's troubling to watch, to say the least. It's yet another shade in the spectrum of personalities that he has to deal with. Diggle for example, is in a better place than he has been for a while, recent Vertigo-High considered, and yet, despite his obvious love for Lyla, is just as capable of hiding parts from his life from her as he was from Carly, even though it is obviously unnecessary. A behavior-pattern consequent, no doubt, of the life he has led. Thea is the simplest of all his loved ones, in that she's simply trying to figure out who she is, how to be happy with it and how to be that self, once she discovers it, in a world which seems to be quivering at the seams. Roy seems to be good for her, but Oliver can't help but wish that the boy wasn't so obsessed with his alter ego. Despite that, he has to admit, he is beginning to develop a highly-grudging respect for the kid's tenacity, perseverance and resourcefulness. Felicity is probably the only person he knows who isn't keeping secrets, but she's also one of the most inspiring, everything taken into account. She's not a survivor of the horrors of the island, like Sara and himself, so it makes sense for her to be as vulnerable as she is. Despite that, the way she's kept up with the rolling-punches has been nothing but a constant source of wonder. She's someone who has probably been most comfortable being behind the computer screen her entire life, and yet, she's somehow adjusted to their escapades, mentally at least, to the point that it seems to be a recurring theme for her to swoop in when Diggle and he are at their wits' end with trying to be in two places at one, and volunteer to do fieldwork. She needs to be trained more if she's going to keep doing that, which makes part of him wish she could just stay at Verdant and lead them from there, but then again, she wouldn't be likely to appreciate him treating her that way.

Fighting their mutual physical attraction to one another has been an uphill-struggle thus far, mostly because despite respecting, trusting and valuing her immensely as a friend, he can't seem to stop his temperature rising at her very common, inadvertent, very inappropriate and very… visual-thought-provoking innuendoes. Which can be _very distracting _in a _very inconvenient_ way, especially when their out in the field. Memories of her words while in the underground casino keep popping up in his mind at the most perplexing times, and with very perplexing results, because a woman who looks that good in that tight a sheathe of a dress should not be capable of uttering the words _"It feels so good to have you inside me" _in certain situations, or rather, outside of certain situations, especially with certain people.

Being her boss and having these thoughts is bad enough, but being her friend, and being around her all the time while he has to work out, and having her ogle him, and "innuendo" him, and yet, help him and advise him while obviously being physically attracted to him and never acting on it, is beginning to mess with his head just a little too often, with a slightly annoyingly increasing frequency. Him acting on it would just be beyond inexcusable, especially taking into consideration the effects it might have on their team, but the more he tries to put it out of his head, the deeper her words keep drilling it, over and over again. Not just her innuendoes either, but also her words concerning Isabel. The more he looks back on them, and most likely consequent of his lust-addled, the more her words are skewed into something he's not sure she meant to imply. Did she mean herself? It's Felicity, obviously she didn't. Her immense modesty about everything except for her tech-skills, as well her obvious lack of awareness regarding how gorgeous she is, negates any possibility of that. But he knows, even if she did, said-modesty is a reminder that she probably has no idea how little he deserves her. But she would figure it out if they got involved, and he can't risk that either. Disappointing her, or even worse, driving her away, would be equivalent to literally snuffing out the light in a room that is the only thing keeping all of one's nightmares from coming true. While Diggle and he have figured out how to keep up the witty banter to lighten up the mood when they're at Verdant, Felicity is this sort-of… ray of sunshine that, while sweeping through, decided to make itself at home. Her hope, quirkiness and wit make it so much easier to step in there, in a way he didn't think was possible after Tommy passed. And if anything, that's an indication of how dumb it would be to mess it up by acting on his attraction to her.


End file.
